Find Your Inner David

Finding The Hidden David Within Yourself

Hey, guys! It's been a while since my last post. I've had a lot of time to do some thinking and evaluating everything in my life. This hasn't been the easiest past few months, but, that's why I'm writing this blog right now. 

Just a warning, this post will be much more personal than any other one I've ever made and much longer. But, I promise, this is WELL worth the read for anyone struggling with their faith. If you are going through a rough patch right now and feel like you just can't seem to get out, please keep reading.

As I am aware, many people already know my story. But there are also many people who do not know the entirety of my story.

I first became a Christian when I was 15. Boy, let me tell you, that was the best decision I have ever made. When I look back to when I first became a Christian compared to where I am in my life now, along with all I have overcome in those 4 years, God has put more strength into me than I could have ever imagined possible. 

It's no secret that, unfortunately, this generation has their priorities out of order. The importance of God and his word is not placed at the top of everyone's list like it should be. Even I will admit that I sometimes tend to get distracted and get my priorities a little out of whack, as does everyone.

It was not until my senior year of high school that I, very quickly, learned that not everything is always so fun when it comes to living as a teenager in today's time. I had just ended a two and a half year relationship with someone I had thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Along with the stress of college coming up, dual credit courses, and personal problems, I was fighting to save the relationship, that I wanted so desperately, for the entirety of my senior year. No matter how bad I wanted it, I finally just accepted that it wasn't God's will.

May came in the blink of an eye, which meant graduation and everyone going their separate ways. The thought of leaving the group I grew up with and moving to a new city with tons of new people honestly terrified me. During the speech of our class president (you killed it, Kenzie), she spoke about the lyrics to the song "Life Changes" by Thomas Rhett. I had no idea what was about to be coming my way.

On the 2nd of July, it started out like any other day. I had been with friends all day, having a great day. At about 6:00 that night, I received a text message I never imagined I would receive. The boy I had spend two and a half years with had drowned at a local lake and the body had been located. My heart dropped. 

I honestly can't even recall the majority of that week, it is a huge blur to me. I do, however, remember seeing him for the last time in a casket, which is an image I will never forget. I remember, vividly, standing at the casket when it was about to be closed, leaning over on his body in a sobbing cry, kissing him on the cheek for the last time, and placing our first picture together by his side. Those are the moments I questioned why. Why would God do this to us? What had we done to deserve this? 

The next few months were unimaginable for me. In the beginning of August, I moved into the University of Louisville. While I was nervous to be away from home for the first time, I was so relieved that I would be around new people and have a fresh start. Although my experience at UofL started out great, it very quickly went downhill.

Dealing with the grief and depression I had, this made it extremely difficult for me, especially being on my own and away from home 5 nights out of the week. I had many sleepless nights, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, and nights where I would just sit in my dorm and cry, begging God to help me get through this. The only way I know how to describe it was a numbing feeling. I was in such a deep, dark hole, I didn't know if I would be able to come back up.

On September 21st, we celebrated Bryan's first heavenly birthday. This was a very weird day for me. This was the first birthday in 5 years that I was unable to spend with him. Friends and family gathered at his house and we set off lanterns with handwritten notes to "send our message to him". Little did I know, God was working on my saving Grace, with the help of Bryan himself. 

A couple weeks after Bryan's birthday, I received a text from one of Bryan's best friends, Alex. We started talking and, very quickly, formed a connection unlike any other. He later revealed to me that on the night of Bryan's birthday when we were all lighting and releasing our lanterns, something was just telling him that he had to get to know me. We began seeing each other and everything was falling into place so perfectly. We both just knew this was a match made in Heaven, literally (to read mine and Alex's full story, see my blog post entitled "My Boy"). Fast forward 7 months later, here we are discussing our future together.

When thinking back on the obstacles I have overcome, I often refer to the story of David and Goliath. Goliath was a strong, nine foot tall, warrior. I mean, come on, if I were in David's shoes, I would have been scared to death to battle this man. Regardless of Goliath's strong and scary appearance, David went full force into the battle with him. David won the battle. Losing Bryan and the grief and depression that came along with it, that was my Goliath. As many times as I thought about giving up, I kept going. God put strength into me that I NEVER thought was possible. I fought the battle and kept my faith (2 Timothy 4:7-8). God was my strength and shield. Without him, I would not be here today.

If someone had told me when I first became a Christian that I would have made it through the things that I have, I definitely would have called them crazy. With God, all things are possible. Some learn that in an easy way, others not so much. This is my personal testimony and I will never stop sharing it.

You never know the battles you will face in this life. I strongly encourage you to seek God and find your inner David. When these situations arise, it is amazing what the powers of God can do for you. You have to fight through some of the worst days of your life in order to achieve the best days, but no matter what, praise God all of the day's of your life.

The Lord is good, a strength and stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows those who take refuge and trust in him. 

Nahum 1:7